I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
