She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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