At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
