Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize