I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
