if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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