omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
