Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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