I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
