Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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