you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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