More tranny stories later!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
