I think I am morally bankrupt
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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