so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
