just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize