so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
