you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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