Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
