white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
