I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
they need to just BURY HIM!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
