Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
