I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
