fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize