Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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