is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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