uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
