I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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