that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry about my life...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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