i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
