I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
