They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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