I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
