Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
