Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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