Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize