Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
