idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
