mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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