I wish I could teleport
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
