Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
