I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
