He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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