Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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