My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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