i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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