i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
