We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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