u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk is not a location!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
