i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
