I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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