I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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