The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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