So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
