If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
