If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
