Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize