Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
