pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
