i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
