Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
