Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize