I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
