Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize