i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need a beard to bite.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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