lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
