You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
